Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
