ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
