I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
