Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
