i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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