Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
high people should be assigned attendants
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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