omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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