I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
