i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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