Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
