so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
