I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
