So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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