I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
