I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
