Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
