That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
