So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
