bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
