this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
