shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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