the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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