I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
