If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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