think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
