Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dicks are not precious.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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