So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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