i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
