Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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