tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i think i just lost a toe
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
