I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
