I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
