I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
