It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
