i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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