I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
