honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
