using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I am spending my child support on dildos
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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