Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My first STD was from a foam party
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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