It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
