Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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