Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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