mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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