Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
