who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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