Cold hands, warm shart.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
