Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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