Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
