He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
