I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
