Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
