oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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