I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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