I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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